You can't change a Zebra's stripes
by Raychel
Summary: You're partner... or your wife? PICK." How the season finale of season 10 might go. Warning, major spoilers as well as EO. Kind of EO... I'm an EO shipper but I'm not going to throw it in your face like that....
1. Realization

Based on the short clip of Elliot being knocked out and tied in a chair… yes I know lol.

Detective Olivia Benson sat at her desk trying to figure out the case in front of her, it should have been so easy to figure out but she had been up so long that her eyes were starting to go fuzzy.

"Liv." Her name was said in such a hurry but with alertness that she knew it was her partner of ten years: Elliot Stabler. A cup of coffee was set on her desk and she looked over at him as he sat down looking as tired as she felt.

"Thanks…" Olivia took the coffee and took a long sip, it was just the way she liked it and he just nodded. So much for communication, Elliot seemed so wrapped up in everything else that wasn't Special Victims that it seemed pointless to even speak to him lately. Elliot had been so vacant to Olivia's personal life that she was surprised that they had been so close once… then all of the sudden boom… proximity was a nada.

"None of this makes sense." Elliot sighed bringing Olivia back from her thoughts and he did not look at her when he said it so she did not respond, she noticed that he was not looking at her so she went back to looking at her own file, "Liv, did you hear me?"

"Oh were you talking to me?" Olivia asked, not meaning to sound sarcastic in the least but Elliot looked offended.

"Well… you are my partner." Elliot looked a bit peeved but she honestly did not care. Elliot could brood all he wanted to, she had too much going on to care about his broken life, since he didn't seem to give a damn about her at all lately.

"Right... you're right, none of this makes any sense, all of the murders are different but the same perp, I don't get it." Olivia did not say anything to him as she said this but she could feel his eyes on her, "And I need some lunch, I'll be back. Hey Fin wanna grab some lunch?" Olivia called to Fin Tutuola who was talking to his own partner but he nodded his head in her direction.

"Liv are you OK?" Elliot's question sounded genuine enough but Olivia found herself trying not to roll her eyes, was she OK… she was dealing with witnessing a few murders, suicides, she was let down for adoption, she had almost been raped, she had been stalked, kidnapped… sure she was great. Elliot knew all of this or at least he should have but Olivia just looked at him.

"I'm fine El." Was her response always and forever, ever since things had gotten weird between them a few years ago that was her response.

"You wanna get the usual?" Fin asked Olivia, coming over to her desk.

"Nah… how about Chinese?" Olivia asked him, ignoring Elliot's sulking stares.

"As long as it's food," Fin looked over at Elliot but Olivia shook her head and they headed out of the building, "You and Elliot still on the rocks?"

"You mean the man who is supposed to be my partner but isn't even devoted to his job anymore?"

"I'll take that as a yes." Fin cleared his throat.

"I have done so much for him this year it's insane. I help his kid out of jail, deal with his mother, stop Kathy from leaving him and take my shirt off for him." Olivia clamped her mouth shut after she realized what she had just said and Fin stared at her.

"You did what?" His mouth agape.

"El was about to be caught undercover so I… pretended to be a prostitute." Olivia shrugged and Fin's eyes got wide.

"Who else knows about this?" Fin asked her as they walked to a squad car in case they got a call.

"Now that I've told you? That would be me, Elliot and... besides the perps... you." Olivia got into the passenger seat and Fin shook his head in shame.

"I think I know why you do this Liv." Fin looked at her without starting the car, he just sat there as if he had no idea how to turn an engine over.

"Do what? Push away my own somewhat life for his? Spend all of my time trying to fix his broken life? Which can I say is not that bad... he's got a family... kids..."

"You have got to move on… he's married." The words that Fin said made Olivia's face contort in shock and horror, "Or not…"

"Wait… you think that I have feelings for Elliot?" Olivia was truly baffled.

"You mean you don't?" Fin asked her in complete doubt.

"Fin… he's married and FYI, that man drives me insane… makes my blood boil to a T and he's self centered as hell. Seriously Fin where has he been all year? Not knowing what's been going on with his so called best friend, that's for sure." Olivia paused, "And I would never go after Elliot, he's like my brother!"

"Whatever you say Liv…" Fin started the car and Olivia was now thinking really hard… what Fin had said really bugged her. How on earth could she have more then friendly feelings for Elliot? If she did have more then those normal feelings wouldn't she be encouraging Kathy to leave Elliot? _No that would make Elliot really sad if his marriage failed…_, Liv thought to herself. The only reason Olivia had helped Elliot's family out so much was because she didn't have one herself… so when she helped out his daughter Kathleen it was because it was like family… _not_ because Elliot would have killed himself if his daughter stayed in jail because of him. Olivia helped Elliot from being caught by posing as a prostitute for his own good; it had been her job, nothing else to it.

"Shit." Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head as she felt Fin's hand on her shoulder.

"I had no idea you didn't know Liv." Fin told her out of honesty.

"I do not love Elliot." Olivia insisted.

"You sure about that?" Fin asked as he pulled into a Chinese place.

"Wouldn't I know if I loved him?" Olivia was flustered.

"What compels you to do everything you've done for him?" Fin asked her and she just looked down.

"He's my partner." Olivia shrugged simply.

"You ever see John do anything like that for me?"

"Like what? Take his shirt off for you? I'd hope not that would be scary." Olivia tried to being the conversation back to lightness but Fin was just looking at her with not a look of pity... but more like sympathy.

"Liv, if Elliot were not married…"

"Don't Fin, OK?" Now Olivia was a tad annoyed, " In fact we never had this conversation… at all." Olivia got out of the car just as Fin stopped it.

"Liv!"

"No."

BACK AT THE PRECINCT...

Elliot Stabler looked down at this hands as he sat in his chair thinking about the case. He couldn't help but feel bad that Olivia completely ignored him earlier but could he blame her? No… he couldn't. He had been nothing of a friend to her at all and he knew why, Olivia did not know why, she couldn't. It was little things really… Olivia taking it upon herself to help his daughter fix her life, Liv not confiding in him about her post traumatic stress from Sealview… Elliot still had no idea what that bastard had done to her, Olivia getting involved in his personal life… he was so proud for her to meet the man he named his son after, only for that man to be a murderer… a murderer who could have killed Olivia… and then… the night Olivia exposed herself completely to him to save his life when it only made it harder for him.

It was not easy to be a man in an unhappy marriage that was so close to someone that it would be easy to fall in love with. Olivia was his match in every way that he could imagine, they were so close that it scared him. He was not even this close to his wife, if he had to answer 20 personal questions about his wife Kathy he would probably fail miserably but ace it with Olivia. This made Elliot more confused, he hated being caught between a rock and a rough spot. When he pushed himself into Olivia's personal life a few years ago it had opened a door; their relationship reached higher levels, they were breaking rules, keeping secrets… doing things outside of the box. Olivia had been awkward to let him in at first but eventually she did, he had told her that he was there for her. He had meant it, he had had the time to be there for her.

So what was it that put him in such a bind, when it came to Olivia getting into his personal life? It caused him to clam up, get defensive and get angry at the situation. Elliot had never had someone care so much about his life, even more then himself. Hell, Olivia was there for him more then his own wife was and that said a lot. Elliot did not know why he was being so distant with Olivia but he now saw that it was affecting her. He felt ashamed for not being there for her when she needed him since she had always been there when he was in turmoil.

"Elliot!" Captain Don Cragen called to him from his office, "Where's Liv?"

"Lunch sir." Elliot snapped back to the present and sat up in his chair.

"You didn't go?"The captain asked looking perplexed.

"No sir... not hungry." Elliot lied, the truth was he had been hungry but there was nothing he felt like doing with it.

"Huh… well I need you and Fin to go-" The captain started

"He's with Liv." Elliot cleared his throat and the captain looked like he was losing patience.

"Fine take John with you, I need you to go check a warehouse out, I'll radio the two lunchbirds." Elliot nodded and looked over at John Munch.

"Ready to kick ass?" Munch asked in a completely sarcastic tone.

"Eh." And they left. It only took them five minutes to get to the warehouse; Liv and Fin were not there yet.

"I'll take the back." Munch told him and he nodded. Elliot took his gun out and began to enter the warehouse slowly. After only a few seconds he heard a slam and a groan. Elliot ran out into the open and felt something hit him as well, he fell to the ground, his head hit pretty hard. He felt paralyzed as his eyes fought to stay open, he was being dragged somewhere, his head pounding too much for him to move. He was woozy and his wanted to pass out but refused to. Elliot was pulled into a chair and he saw John, laying on the ground tied up next to him. Elliot said nothing for his eyes began to shut.

"Put your gun down! I didn't want to have to hurt you too…" The mans voice yelled and Elliot saw Olivia in the middle of the room coming towards him. So much he wanted to tell her… so much he needed to say… but….

…**us EO fans have to wait for the real season finale to see what happens… darn IT.**


	2. Liv or Kathy

I had intended this to be a one shot... but you guys love it so much soooo... here's another chapter! And Chels I totally hear you with the punching thing... us fans better get some relief from our EO crampies...

Olivia could feel her arms go up in defense, her heart raced so fast that she could hear the pounding in her ears causing her breath to deepen. She kept her eyes on Elliot who seemed to be fighting to stay awake but was losing a battle. The voice she had heard threaten her was familiar but she couldn't place it. But she found herself no longer in that room with her arms out... shielding herself. Her eyes closed and she felt like she was back at Sealview. She could feel his eyes on her... the feeling as if she were prey ready to be used in whatever manner it was meant to be in.

"What do you want?" Olivia heard herself ask.

"What every man wants." His voice echoed in her head, it sounded so real but she knew that it was all in her head. Her body thought it was real and she could feel her heart begin to bring up pace.

"No please..." Olivia pleaded, she wasn't sure if it was out loud but she was brought back to the present when she was shoved to the ground by the poke of a gun in her back. She felt her eyes snap open and Sealview was gone, Elliot was in front of her and her mind told her that it was a different time, a different place. That the man who had attempted to rape her was behind bars... right? Olivia did not know who was behind her, all she knew was that Munch was unconscious and she did not know where Fin was. No... this was a vendetta against Elliot... it was clear.

"Liv..." Elliot choked out, she was close enough to hear his hoarse voice and she willed herself to not cry. No, she would not and could not cry.

"What do you want?" Olivia asked, the hot gun in her palm.

"Drop your weapon." The man ordered her and she set it down on the floor, eyes down but alert, "That's right... nice and easy. Well... well, well... come to save your partner once again have you?" Olivia made to turn around but the gun was pressed harder into her back.

"Ah." She cried out and she saw Elliot squirm.

"Hurt her and I will...I swear to God I will kill you..." Elliot threatened, surprising Olivia.

"Shut up!" The man yelled at Elliot, Olivia could feel the gun on her back now, "Shut the hell up you bastard.... do you know what I have been through? Huh? No... you don't care... in fact if I killed her right now that might make you sorry... won't it?" The gun was cocked and Olivia was now on her hands, the cold floor keeping her grounded to what was reality.

"I'm the one you have beef with." Elliot's voice was coming back, "I'm the reason you're doing all of this.... leave everyone out of it. This is between you and me." Elliot was looking above Olivia and she looked around at her surroundings. One of the first rules... always look for what could be used to her advantage as a cop.

"But what fun would I have if I didn't hurt the ones you care about?" The man asked not really looking for an answer.

"Wanna think about that again?" Fin's voice was such a relief that Olivia had to bite her lip from crying out in thanks. Thinking that maybe this guy would be caught off guard, Olivia took the chance to turn around to kick him and try to disarm him but was kicked to the ground instead.

"I said FREEZE Asshole!" Fin's gun cocked and Olivia had been kicked closer to Elliot who was now wriggling.

"Stop." Olivia told him, "El... stop moving, he'll kill you."

"He wants me, I can't let anyone get hurt in the process... not anyone else."

"Drop the gun." Fin commanded, "Drop the damn gun!"

"But I don't want to..." The man had a hint of amusement in his voice and there was a quick thud and Olivia heard Fin make a grunt and the glimmer of hope she had had for a few moments was now gone and she could only feel things get worse. The guy had a partner... of course he did.

"Daddy?" Kathleen's voice was clear, Elliot's daughter sounded tearful and she began to look back but the gun was now on the back of her head, "Olivia! No! Don't hurt her." Kathleen was crying.

"Let her go, Kathleen it's going to be OK sweetie, everything's going to be OK, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Are you OK?" Elliot was hit in the face but not knocked out.

"I'm OK." Kathleen told him but Olivia heard her cry out as if something hurt her or someone, "They haven't hurt me."

"Yet." A new man's voice said and the other laughed.

"Dad... they have mom too." Kathleen sounded like she was fighting off her assailant

"Oh... yeah... I was going to tell you that your wife has been taken to a spot that you should know very well... in fact you should know it really well."

"Where is she?" Elliot's eyes were now dark, if looks could kill everyone in his eyesight would be dead.

"You should know it pretty well... it's a spot that you and your wife used to go to a lot..." Man number one was chuckling and Olivia could see Elliot get very quiet.

"Obviously you know where I'm talking about." Man number one sounded like he was being played but Olivia had a strange feeling that Elliot had no idea where or what this man was talking about.

"I don't know." Elliot said softly sounding ashamed.

"Stop Lying." The second man threatened, "I have your daughter remember?"

"I'm not... I..."Olivia could feel her eyes close for Elliot's sake, here were these men who though that Elliot and Kathy had a good marriage... that Elliot would know everything about his own wife, which he should have but this was going too far.

"So if we pushed the button right now what would you do?" Man number one asked as his partner seemed to be awfully quiet.

"Take me instead." Olivia said, feeling her body go cold.

"No!" Elliot cried out, "Olivia no!"

"You'd give your life for your partner and his family?" Her hair was being pulled now, "You must care too much or have no one, which is it?"

"Who cares? Take me and let the girl go, let Kathleen and her mother go." Olivia tried to keep her voice calm and she was ignoring Elliot's cries.

"No, Liv don't!"

"So you're saying if we let the girl and mother go then... I can do whatever I want with you?" He smelled like stale cigarettes and alcohol, Olivia hated that all too familiar smell.

"Yes." Olivia choked out.

"Olivia no..." Kathleen was crying softly but Olivia knew what she had to do. Now she knew... and she hated herself for it. She remembered the talk with Fin not so long ago about how she was in love with her partner... if she was then love was brutal, it was a sensation that had more emotion to it then she knew what to do with... she had always told herself that sacrifice for Elliot was her just being a good cop, a good partner... but it was more then that and even if he didn't know, didn't care she was alone with it.

"It's going to be OK sweetie," Olivia called to Kathleen, "It's going to be OK." Her voice broke and she could hear Elliot's own breath wavering.

"Liv don't do this." Elliot pleaded as Kathleen began to sob even louder.

"Oh no... I think it's a great idea." Man number one laughed throatily, "Perfect even..."

"I'll do anything you want just don't hurt either one... let my daughter go... and let go of Olivia and... I'll do anything."

"Anything?" The man holding Olivia's hair asked and she could feel her stomach flop.

"Yes, anything."

"You sure about that?"

"Positive, let them go and I'll do anything." Elliot seemed desperate.

"OK... well then answer me this because I'm just dying to know," Man number one paused for dramatic effect, "Who will it be Elliot?" He asked, the one who deserved to be kicked in the balls, the bastard, "You're wife... or your partner?"

**DUN DUN DUN.**

**I'm trying to impersonate the writers of SVU... is it working? Do you hate me yet?**


	3. Choice

To see a vid for it go to the name** JuniperBRZE on youtube**!!!Wow guys... I'm so happy you like it and thanks to everyone who gave such awesome comments and reviews. I replied to everyone I could :) Alot of you made me laugh with your comments and let me tell you, if I were a writer for the show we all know that El and Liv would have stayed the real life line of SVU cops, Elliot would have never slept with Kathy and he and Olivia would be one happy cop family... but... alas I am just a regular gal with the same hopes as you. I also too it upon myself to make a video for this story... because someone suggested it and I liked the idea of it. I might turn this into one huge story once we do see the finale. Back to the story!! PS... perp one and perp two just aren't doing it for me... I want to keep them anonymous but... What about Tom and Jerry? You laugh now but read...or I could use the real name of the perp but.. .then it wouldn't be fiction would it?

"You're making him choose between his wife and his partner?" The man holding Kathleen asked sounding doubtful.

"Shut up!" Since these two were so different yet acting insane Elliot decided to call them Tom and Jerry, the ski masks over their faces was unoriginal and infuriating at the same time.

"He's going to pick his wife dumb ass," Tom was holding onto Kathleen tightly and Elliot could feel his rage go deeper.

"I wouldn't be so sure... look at him." Jerry had a gun to Olivia's head and to even see this and to be completely helpless made Elliot want to break free from his restraints but it seemed the more he squirmed the tighter the ropes got.

"No matter who he picks I'm still going to have fun with this one." Tom smirked as he held onto Kathleen tighter.

"Let her go, I already told you! You can have me." Olivia cried out and Elliot shook his head at her, she needed to stop. If she kept on these asses would take her and he would probably never see her again. Elliot now began to feel remorse for all of the times he should have been there for her.

"Liv stop." Elliot insisted and she looked at him, her eyes wide like a child, "Liv I know that you want to help but-" Elliot could see the fire in her eyes begin to dim.

"Oh come on, are they really going to do this right now?" Jerry rolled his eyes and gave Elliot a mock sympathetic look, "Is he really going to try the good bye speech in front of his own daughter? Daddy's been cheating..."

"Screw you!" Kathleen yelled as she spat on Tom who shoved her down.

"Let her go!" Elliot cried out and he looked at Olivia who was breathing heavily, "Listen, let them go. Do whatever you want with me, just let them go." Elliot tried to break free but it was no use, the rope got tighter and he was becoming exhausted. This all had to be a nightmare, it had to be, it was too wrong to be real.

"But what fun would I have with you?" Jerry ran a finger along Olivia's neck and Elliot watched her cringe as she tried to recoil, "Choose." He commanded.

"No." Elliot's response made Olivia look up at him and his eyes caught hers, "No, I won't choose between them." He looked at Olivia's shocked face and understood her confusion. It all came back to him, the night she refused to kill Gitano in case of killing Elliot... and so many more cases he just wanted to shrug off.

"So you're letting me choose then?" Jerry chuckled, "Well no matter what happens or who you choose it won't matter." He looked over at Tom, "Let the girl go."

"But!" This made everyone in the room confused.

"We don't need the kid anymore, let her go." Elliot did not like where Jerry was going with this, "Let her go." What was this guy planning?

"Don't hurt Olivia and don't hurt my dad please, don't hurt them, no! Olivia please don't die... Daddy... I'm scared." Kathleen was hysterical as Tom threw her across the room.

"Kathleen run!" Olivia called out with Elliot and they were all alone once again, "You know she'll go get help right?" Elliot told Jerry feeling relief that Kathleen was OK and that he knew she would get help.

"Huh... help for you maybe." Olivia was pulled up and Elliot could feel his left side burning, the pain was starting to get to him, "Any last words to say to your partner?"

"Don't. Please I'll do anything, just don't hurt her." Elliot Stabler did not beg, he did not take orders well but when someone he cared for was in true danger he retreated and gave in, if anything happened to Olivia he would have to live with it the rest of his life, not that it had been his fault but that something had happened to her.

"So you choose her? Not your wife..." Tom looked too amused.

"I won't choose, I already told you that but if you asked me right now, which you did-"

"Elliot don't," Olivia got out.

"Yeah Elliot don't." Jerry grabbed Liv's neck, "But wait I'm intrigued, so you can't lose your partner? But you heard her earlier say she has no one, nothing... but you do."

"Liv you have me." Elliot told her and she looked at him in shock, "You are not alone and just because you don't have blood family doesn't mean you have the right to die. If you die today Olivia I will never forgive you... ever." Elliot threatened her and he could see her eyes droop, he knew it was a stupid thing to say but he wasn't sure what else to do.

"Let me go El." Olivia told him in a calm voice, "Please... just let me go." She was giving up... this was not the Olivia he knew.

"I won't let you die!" Elliot raised his voice and wondered where the hell back up was.

"You're wife will live." Jerry backed up, pulling Olivia with him. Elliot could feel his heart begin to race, no... he could not let anything happen to Olivia, "Any last words to him?" Jerry had his arms around Olivia's waist and she began to shake.

"One day you will understand." Olivia said to him and he narrowed his eyes in confusion, "Good bye El."

"Are you sure that's all?" Jerry asked her as if knowing something that Elliot did not and he could feel the tears running down his face.

"Liv-"

"You're the best friend I've ever had El... and it took me until today to realize how much..." Olivia cut herself off and took in a deep breath, "I love you El... whatever it means I don't know... but I love ya." Olivia was now full on crying and Elliot shook his head. This was it... this was the end wasn't it? This was when everything came down to it.

"Aw... such sweet sentiment." Tom commented, "Come on let's get out of here man before his kid brings back the Calvary."

"Wait!" Elliot cried out, "Liv..."

"No more, we're going." Jerry pulled Olivia who looked defeated, "And once I'm done with her, I'll be back for you... or...."

"I love you too Liv, just like you said earlier huh? Doesn't matter how much or why or how... I love you Olivia." And he meant it. With all of his heart, if she died never hearing him tell her that he did not know what to do, of course he didn't want her to die either but... Elliot was not sure what Olivia had meant... there were all kinds of love. It was unspoken of course, a lot was with them. They had a speechless communication but when it came to telling someone how much they meant to you... words were important.

"Aw... Tom how sweet... they love each other." Jerry actually let go of Olivia for a moment to throw something at Elliot, "Screw it, your wife is dead too." He took Olivia back by the hands and began to pull her, "No you know I came here to kill you... torture you Stabler! Not just hurt this little bitch that-"

"Fight Olivia!" Elliot encouraged her, "Think about all of the asses who have hurt you... think about all of them and-" Olivia did not need to hear the rest, for she had backed Jerry into a wall.

"Shit." Tom ran over to help his friend as Elliot saw a bunch of armed men enter.

"Not until I get my revenge!!" Jerry screamed pointing a limp gun at Elliot.

"FREEZE, let her go! Drop your weapon! I repeat drop your weapon!" A man yelled out, this made Tom and Jerry (AN: *Snicker*) let go of Olivia and she fell to the ground, "Easy..." before Elliot could blink the two young men were sent to the floor by restraints, the gun kicked out of Jerry's hand.

"Liv!" Elliot called to her but she was out cold, "Hey! Hey someone!" Elliot called to the officers, "I'm over here but she needs help." Elliot shook off the officers who came to his side, "Not me you idiots, her, check her she's hurt!" Elliot watched three officers tend to Olivia, one put their hand on her neck and Elliot saw them shake their head at another officer, he knew that signal.

"No!" Elliot yelled as he was freed and taken by the arms, "Olivia! Liv!"

"Calm down, hey calm it down." A man older then Elliot told him as she was lifted onto a stretcher.

"We got a... yeah." Elliot tried to hear as he was leaving and he saw two medics run past him and heard them start on Olivia.

"Come on, breathe." He could hear the girl say, Elliot shook his head, NO.... Olivia had to be OK... she had to.

**********************************

Five hours later.

Whatever they had given Elliot for pain had knocked him out, when he came to he saw Kathleen, Lizzie, Dickie, Maureen and his... wife.

"Daddy!" His kids cried out when they saw him open his eyes.

"Elliot." Kathy was holding his toddler Eli.

"Liv." Elliot choked out, "Where's Olivia?"

They all got quiet... why were they quiet?

**More to come... NEXT Tuesday... kidding! I'm joking!!!... oy. This chapter did not go how I wanted it to... I had typed up a great one and my laptop decided to shut off... so... I'm sorry if this chapter sucked!  
**


	4. Shock

What kind of a person kills Olivia Benson??? NOT ME!! Oh I would simply die if she died... OK that was a bit much... anyhow... here's another chapter! And everyone breathe... she's alive.

Olivia could feel hands on her, she could feel someone pressing against her chest and her first thought was to fight but when she realized what it was... she took in a huge breath of air.

"We got her!" A woman cried out.

"Olivia? You're going to be OK, can you hear me?" Whose voice was that? It was familiar... then she began to remember. El... two men... Kathleen... where was Elliot?

"El?" She got out.

"Don't try to speak, oh thank god you're alive. Take her to the hospital, how are my other detectives?" Once she heard the captain's voice disappear she felt her eyes begin to close again.

"BP is dropping." Someone cried out as Olivia began to give in to the darkness.

"Stay with us, come on now stay with us." She could feel them moving her quickly, her head was reeling... Olivia willed her eyes to open but they refused to listen. No... all she could do was fall... down, down.... down into darkness. If you asked Olivia what she had done those past five hours she could not have told you. All she could remember was being in a room in her mind, trying to get out but no one heard her. In fact when she finally got out of that room she was sucked back in.

"Olivia..." His voice was distinct and Olivia knew it was wasn't real but in her mind it was. As the doctors worked on Olivia's unconscious body her mind stayed awake as she relived a nightmare.

"Wake up Olivia, it's not real... it's not real." She told herself looking into a blue room.

"I'm coming for you Olivia." Lowel Harris's voice said and she shook her head.

"Leave me alone." Olivia cried out, she wanted to wake up, she needed to but something wasn't letting her.

"Liv?" It was now Elliot's voice that she heard and she looked up into the blue room, "Liv I keep looking for you." Elliot was staring right through her, of course it wasn't the real Elliot, her mind was tricking her.

"I'm here El..." Olivia spoke out to him.

"Liv? Liv where are you?" Elliot walked in front of her and she held her arms out, they were transparent.

"I'm right here El, look down!" Olivia was crouched in a corner and as much as she tried she could not get up.

"I don't want to see you." Elliot responded as he looked at her, how dare her mind trap her in this nightmare, "I'm sick of you. Do you know, that I know what happened to you in the basement? God you make me sick... that's why I won't talk to you... won't see you... I know what happened to you..." Elliot's eyes turned black and he was now pulling away from her.

"You don't know what happened to me!" Olivia screamed at him as he turned his back to her, "I was almost raped... he touched me and took away my final trust in men... listen to me!" Olivia was now standing and the Elliot in her mind was walking away, "Stay." Olivia pleaded him and he stopped walking to turn around, his eyes now back to normal, "I'm sorry for not telling you when I should have."

"I wasn't there for you." Elliot told her, "I should have been."

"I know, it's OK." Olivia told unreal Elliot.

"No it's not OK, you needed me and I let you down..."

"I just want to go back to the way things were... when..." Olivia's eyes widened when the room changed to a train station. She was back in her purple shirt, black coat and slacks. Elliot was wearing his blue shirt, red tie and his own coat... Olivia knew where she was again. No... she couldn't relive this horror.

"Olivia! No! Oh god no!" Olivia looked down and saw herself laying on the ground, holding her throat, looking terrified. She watched the escalator as the little boy Tommy went with a man who was about to kill him... but Elliot had ignored that... he thought that Olivia was so hurt she was dying.

"I'm fine El." Olivia on the ground told him, "Go... go!" Leaning down next to the visual of her and Elliot the Olivia who was dreaming all of this watched herself cry as Elliot left her.

"That's when it got complicated... he chose me, he chose us." The fake Olivia said looking up at dreaming Olivia, "You need to stop thinking about what it meant and move on... I'm getting sick of remembering this every day." And the train station was gone only to become a warehouse that was dark and Gitano was holding Elliot be gunpoint.

"Olivia pull the trigger!" Elliot was screaming at the new version of her.

"I'm sorry." Fake Olivia was crying softly as Elliot was crying his own tears.

"It's alright." Elliot was saying...

"I won't do this again." The real Olivia said causing the scene to freeze, "God I need to get out of here..." Running from the warehouse she found herself going through door after door and it kept getting darker.

"You and this job are the only things I have left in my life..." She heard Elliot's voice going over in her head, as if it would do anything she covered her ears.

"Let me out." Olivia pleaded as she found herself back at the train station, "Let me out. Let me out!"

"What happened in the basement?" Elliot's voice would not leave her alone and she found herself falling to the ground in defeat.

"No..." Olivia cried tears that felt ever so real... in her mind.

"Liv..." Elliot's voice said only this time it was different, "Liv, you gotta wake up."

"Leave me alone." Olivia was now rocking herself back and forth, eyes closed tightly.

"Can she even hear me?" Elliot's voice again, "Liv please... wake up. Open your eyes." Olivia kept crying, "Open your eyes Liv, it's time to wake up... come back to me Olivia." Olivia sobbed one last time before opening her eyes. It took her a moment for her sight to focus on something, a light...

"Liv?" Elliot's voice was fuzzy but she turned her head to the right and she realized she was in a hospital bed, "She's awake, get a nurse, she's awake!" Elliot cried to someone and she heard them leave the room, she felt a rough but warm hand on hers and she felt her eyes stay blurry, "Liv you're OK... Oh god you're OK. I'm here with you." Elliot was now stroking her head and she tried to speak but could not.

"Olivia?" A doctor came in and shined a light in her eyes causing them to try and refocus more, "Blink twice if you can hear me." The doctor said to her and she did so even though it hurt, "Good job, can you say something? Blink twice for yes, once for no." Olivia blinked once, "You're going to be OK, you're in shock but you'll be fine."

"Why can't she talk?" Elliot asked the doctor and Olivia was wondering the same thing.

"Detective Benson went into a psychological form of shock, it is hard to speak afterwords, this is expected. We can try a form of writing in an hour or two, now let's get you back to your own room Detective Stabler."

"I'm not leaving her." Elliot insisted and Olivia felt his hand squeeze hers.

"You need your rest, you can come back in a few hours." No... Olivia didn't want him to leave... she needed him, she didn't want to be alone.

"I don't think you heard me correctly doctor." Elliot was firm, "I'm not leaving her." The doctor said nothing and just nodded.

"Fine, I understand you went through something traumatic and if it helps to be with her-"

"It does." Elliot shut the doctor up and he sighed, "It does..." As the doctor left Elliot looked down at Olivia, "I thought I lost you... you know maybe it's a good thing you can't talk because I have so much to say." Elliot sounded like he was in pain and Olivia wanted to tell him to rest, to not talk but she couldn't so she just blinked once.

"No?" Elliot smiled at her, happy tears in his eyes, "Count on you to argue when you can't even speak." Elliot teased her and she could feel her mouth curve up slightly and she blinked twice, "You know Liv I meant what I said... I just hate that it took a situation like this to make me realize it..." Elliot looked pensive as Olivia did her best to squeeze his hand and he squeezed back, "Have you known long or were you just as shocked as I was... sorry, have you known long?" Elliot asked her and she tried to speak but her voice failed her so she blinked once telling him no, "So you were just as shocked as I was huh?"

Blink. Blink.

"You know I used to think that love was just something that wasn't there." Elliot started, "I never had words for what I felt for you... I just thought it was... I never knew what love was until..." Elliot looked flustered and Olivia wished that she could talk, let him know she felt just as confused as he did so she did what she could.

Blink. Blink.

"Everyone is OK by the way, Kathy and... the kids...." Elliot's voice trailed off, "I'm ending it with Kathy." He told her and she looked at him feeling her eyes squint at him, "I don't love her... haven't for a long time. The funny thing is I thought I did... I thought that I needed to and then I realized... Liv I realized that what I felt for you was what they call love and... well... I'm kind of hoping that you love me the way I love you." No way, she had to speak... Elliot looked down at her and waited for her to blink but instead she surprised him.

"Yes." She said softly but loud enough for him to hear and he smiled.

"You spoke, Liv you're doing so great, you spoke." Elliot was about to call the doctor but Olivia stopped him.

"El..." She croaked to him.

"Yeah?"

"I don't love you the way you love me." She said to him and confusion was written all over his face, "I think I love you more." Confusion aside he laughed softly, tears running down his cheeks.

"Thank God you're OK... Thank you God." Elliot whispered.

"Is this real?" Olivia asked him and he looked at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I... I was in a place that wasn't real... that wasn't good and now I'm here..." Olivia explained to him as he put the railing on her bed down.

"This is real." Elliot reassured her.

"How do I know?" Olivia asked truly worried. Elliot stroked her cheek with a finger and her eyes automatically closed.

"Does that feel real?" Elliot asked her.

"Y-yes." Olivia answered, she felt his finger move to her ear.

"This?"

"Uh huh..." Olivia kept her eyes closed and felt him move to her lips.

"How about this?"

"El..." She was completely aware of him now and could feel his breath on her neck and he placed a small kiss below her chin.

"Now?" Elliot asked in a whisper.

"You're married." Olivia told him.

"Which is why I'm not going to kiss you yet..." Elliot whispered in her ear, "Doesn't mean I don't want to." Olivia had to agree, she wanted him to kiss her too... but not in secret.

"How do you know everything will be OK?" Olivia asked him, opening her eyes to look into his. So many times had she read his mind in those eyes, so many times had she gotten lost and so many times had she longed to be so close to his with her own that she felt light headed.

"How can things not be OK?" Elliot asked her and she felt something in her stomach, why did that question make her senses stand up? Why all of the sudden did the hairs on her arms stand up? Why... did everything all of the sudden feel cold?

"You shouldn't talk like that." Olivia whispered to him.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked, looking concerned.

"Wait... just wait," Olivia held his gaze as he stared at her and then it happened, something that shouldn't have but it did, Olivia had felt it coming... here it was.

"I knew it." Kathy's voice said as flowers were thrown at Olivia's feet, "I just didn't want to believe it," Olivia looked over at Kathy who was shaking like a leaf.

"It's not what you think." Elliot told her honestly.

"Oh no? Well it looks pretty straight forward to me!" Kathy looked at Olivia, "I got you some flowers... hope you feel better..." And with that she left the hospital room, a loud sob echoed.

"I wish I could run." Elliot heaved a sigh.

"It's going to be OK El." Olivia reassured him, "You just said so..."

"I didn't want to hurt Kathy." Elliot admitted and Olivia nodded.

"Nor did I... but... things happen." They stared at each other until Kathleen walked in, startling them.

"Dad... I hate to break this up but what the hell did you do to mom?"

"Your mom is upset right now... which she has every right to be but Kathleen it's not what she thinks." Elliot explained to his second eldest daughter, arms crossed, hair like her mothers she took in a deep breath.

"I know it's not... I know that you would never cheat on mom and Liv I know you would never let Dad cheat on mom..." Kathleen look torn as she said this, "Whatever happens... I'm on mom's side... but dad?"

"Yeah?" Elliot looked at Kathleen.

"I'm only going to say this once... don't mess things up with Olivia OK? I'm old enough to get it, I get that you stayed with mom for reasons that were out of your control... don't make the same mistakes." Kathleen left and Olivia just looked at Elliot.

"You going to talk to Kathy?" Olivia asked him.

"When I get the chance..."

"Liv, oh thank god you're OK, sorry I was in with Fin and John, Elliot what are you doing here?" The captain had a card and flowers with him.

"Elliot brought me out of it." Olivia smiled proudly at Elliot.

"I'm glad you're OK Liv." But the captain was looking as though something was troubling him.

"What is it?" Olivia asked and Elliot looked at the captain intently.

"I'm afraid I have some really bad news."

**DUN DUN DUN. OMG, this chapter was really difficult to write from an emotional standpoint... I hope it was clear enough for you... the whole shock sequence I mean. I have been through shock so I know what it feels like... but writing it? wow. I know, I know... another cliffy and thank you to everyone who has reviwed and has told me what mistakes I made in my other chapters, such as typos and all of that. I know how hard it can be to read something that might even be missing a letter! R&R guys!**


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